I really did not want to go any further in this mud but the crowd of children started to grow. One neighbor asked, “Tara why are you crying?” I said, “I don’t know,” unable to really explain my outburst of tears. I have been living here for a year and a half, why now was I feeling so homesick? I thought I had moved through the loneliness and homesickness, but here I was crying on the side of the road with no other feelings. Eventually I couldn’t handle the spectacle I was creating so I continued down the hill. I walked into Anne Marie’s bar, and with a quick glance saw no one was there. I started sobbing (really not okay in Rwandan culture) so then Anne Marie thought someone had done something to me. Anne Marie sat me down, and I fumbled through Kinyarwanda to explain I missed my family. I told her I felt lonely and I don’t like when there is no school because then I just sit in my house alone. She understood, and she comforted me. I began to feel better and I thanked her. She was very relieved to know someone didn’t do something bad. I was relieved to have her to talk to. I realized this was the difference between my first year and second year, this year I do have people I can trust. I have a community looking out for me.
There are a half a dozen definitions of community in the dictionary but my favorite is, “a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.” Anne Marie gave me this feeling of fellowship that day. The feeling that we share something, that we can trust each other. Peace Corps creates a unique opportunity to become a part of a community. As a person transplanted into a culture and place so far away from one’s own, it becomes a necessity for survival to adapt and find this sense of community. It is not easy. There are many long meetings in foreign languages, lots of staring, and plenty of awkward moments. But now I can say I am a part of the community of Kibangu, and in a place where communal culture dominates that is an amazing experience. From the moment I leave my house in the morning I am greeted by name. Each evening when I come home my neighbor kids run up to me, “Tara wanje!!” they yell (my Tara) and enthusiastically hug my legs. Every time it brings a smile to my face no matter how long the day. The people of Kibangu have accepted me, I know I will never be Rwandan, and there will always be things about their history and culture I will not understand. Rwandans probably also feel the same way about my culture. Yet we have reconciled these differences to create bonds and friendships.
One day on my way back home on the mini bus to my village, I recognized little Victorine, my friend Theophille’s daughter. Victorine is maybe the cutest 2 year old little girl you will ever see, and is so sweet and docile. Theophille or his wife was not on the bus with her though. As she was passed from lap to lap as people began to get off the bus I realized that someone, probably a grandmother or aunt, had dropped her off on the bus to be delivered home. It amazed me that they did not have to worry about her being kidnapped or something bad happening because once she was on that mini bus she was with her community. I know that’s how I feel each time I return to the bus. Wherever I have traveled from, there is finally people I know ready to take me back home. Victorine found her way to my lap for the last leg of the journey. I enjoyed holding her and play with her. When we got off the bus, Theophille was there waiting for her and happily took her in his arms. His community took care of his family, and he shared that feeling of fellowship and common trust.
Community seems to be a feeling that we all crave and find comfort in. When you are a part of a community you no longer have to constantly be on your guard, or watching your back because you know others are there for you. No community is perfect, and sometimes there are problems in communities but that’s because community’s are made of human beings. We have many different communities in America that give us this feeling. Living in America, I felt a sense of community at farmer’s markets where you run into friends. I felt community at my church and in my sorority, where people know you and want to genuinely find out how you are doing. Now in Rwanda, I feel community in Kibangu and at my school especially. I also have the Peace Corps community that has become one of the most valuable parts of my service.
On that Sunday, after Anne Marie finished comforting me my friends Donatha, Isaac, Christophe, and Claude came by. We all shared a beer and chatted about school and life. I was happy to have them there with me. Living alone is lonely, but having friends close by definitely helps. It made me feel a little less homesick too having them there. I know as much as I belong in America, I also belong here now too. Rwanda has become a part of me, and I’m grateful for that.